Ever thought about what would upset an expecting mom while talking to a pregnant woman?
“Parenting is the easiest to have an opinion about” and almost all moms have endured the absurd and ridiculous comments when they were pregnant. Being a second-time mom, I still hear a lot of advice and questions about my pregnancy. Well, though I choose to ignore most of it, I try to convey things you should never tell a pregnant woman or an expecting mother. Avoiding negative people or conversations were my first priority in both my pregnancies, & I will not regret it. Here are few fun things you can do to relax and ignore unnecessary comments.
Most of the time, I have observed that people just do not know if it is fine to ask certain things. Always remember when in doubt, it is best to keep those intrusive questions to yourself than blurting them out. Growing a human is exhausting and the transition to motherhood is stressful with all the preparations for little one’s arrival, the least we could do is being nice to the person and respecting their privacy & emotions when pregnant.
Here is the list of things you can remember and avoid asking a pregnant woman or an expecting mother.
Go ahead and share it across with your family, friends, coworkers, neighbours or anyone you think will help.
1. Commenting on the body size while talking to a Pregnant Woman
“You look huge! I thought you are almost about to pop” were some of the comments I heard during my first pregnancy when I was barely in my fifth month. Contrarily, I hear people saying “You look so small! Are you eating enough?” throughout my second pregnancy.
Well, what we need to understand is that there are a lot of factors that affect the way someone who is pregnant can look. For one is the baby’s position. There is no rule on how big or small a pregnant woman should look. Every single pregnancy responds to the expansion of the uterus in a very different way. So, never tell a pregnant woman about her body size and try not to make a mom feel guilty about her weight.
2. Telling an expecting mother that her baby might come early or late
A lot of us start talking about the old wives tale of predicting when the baby might come depending on gender or movements or whatever. Well, let’s understand there is no science behind it and it is definitely not polite to make a pregnant woman anxious. So, never tell a pregnant woman that she might give birth early or late.
3. Reading the Bump while talking to a pregnant woman
I have heard a lot of comments on both my pregnancies on the way my bump looked. Predicting the baby might be small or big is never a good thing to say to anyone. With my first, I almost worried when someone said my bump looks really huge and baby might be too big. I spent my day googling and talking to people about it which made me more anxious. So mamas if you hear such comments, just laugh and move on. No one other than your OB/ midwife can tell you if your baby is big or small or just right.
4. Never Predict Gender unless you know them well
Not everyone is ok with gender prediction. If you get a hint that they are avoiding gender talks, please respect their privacy. I know it is exciting to know the details and jump right in to comment but first ask if they are ok to talk about gender. I had a funny conversation with a coworker who wanted to bet I am carrying a boy the first time when we knew the ultrasound said it’s a girl.
5. Telling she looks tired or miserable while talking to a pregnant woman
Do not tell a mom-to-be that she looks tired, no one likes to hear that. And of course, pregnancy is hard but let us not add more pressure by saying how they look or feel. Let us try to be as positive as possible. Try saying “wow, you look beautiful!” or “I see the pregnancy glow”. If you cannot find something positive, it is best not to comment.
6. Telling her what to eat and what not while talking to an expecting mother
The last thing a pregnant woman wants is food police. Almost every mom does a lot of research on what to eat and what not when they are expecting. Most do have good physicians picked to talk about dos and don ts. And sometimes you do not know if she is picking up that coffee for her husband or picking that bottle of wine to gift a friend. Let us not assume and start our unsolicited advice.
7. Talking to a pregnant woman about her Birth plan
Asking a mom-to-be if she wants to have a natural birth or c-section is definitely not polite. Every pregnancy, every labour is unique and asking them or making them scared by telling their horrified birth experience will not be of any help. Even if you had a traumatic experience be very positive and only share good vibes.
Talking from my experience, I had a friend who was a co-worker and she always made me feel like birthing is not something to be scared of. She always changed my complaints into a positive experience and gave amazing tips to handle pain. She was the person I remembered when I gave birth, and I realized how good vibes actually make an impact.
8. Parenting tips while talking to a pregnant woman
Well, there is no need to talk about parenting an unborn child. Every child is unique and each individual has their own parenting style. Judging someone or telling them what a horrible parent they are going to be is very rude. Keep the conversations as simple and as positive possible.
9. Talking about Family planning with an expecting mother
Certain things are always best to never ask even if they are pregnant or not. So please avoid asking if their pregnancy was planned or not unless they feel comfortable sharing their story. It is best to avoid negative talks.
10. Touching a pregnant woman’s bump
Be very polite and always ask before you touch the bump of a pregnant woman. Lastly, before you make any comments do consider that every pregnant woman’s primary focus is her baby and her health anyway. So, she might already be doing a lot of research on dos and don ts and might even be overwhelmed with the amount of information available online. So, it is completely okay to just ask “How are you?” avoiding all kinds of rude or unwanted comments.